happy again

ok.
where did my 'black dog' 'grey clouds' go?

i dont know. but i'm glad its gone.

its not that my situation right now is necessarily any different to my life previously.

its just that i've gained some new perspective that i have been waiting for.

i think going to Africa will do that to a person.

its reframed my life.

i dont want to forget what i have seen. nor do i want to ponder on the affects of the pain it causes me when i do.

i have a renewed sense of purpose. of peace, of determination and of thankfulness.

absolute thankfulness that i am blessed beyond even more than i have ever imagined before.

i am still human... i still hurt, i still bleed, and i can still find joy amongst the ashes.

there is beauty in ashes... in the painful places... in the hurting places.

i discovered today... that indeed, the Joy of the Lord is my strength.

it is not 'the joy of my job' or the 'joy of my posessions'... maybe even the 'joy of my friends/family' is my strength, although my friends & family do give me strength- i think God blesses us through our relationships/community.

through and through however.. above all else...
the Joy of the Lord is my strength.
i think i know what that means now. i didnt realise it before. i like it. i have peace.

ps. meditating on scripture that reminds us to focus on things that are pure and godly are very helpful. reading tom's blog or any of the commie bloggers (found on my links on the left) help to make me laugh. that helps. lots. community rocks!