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it was my bday yesterday.
i dont know why i'm publishing this on my blog... but i definately think it sounded worse than i thought.

yes. its still under 30 and yes, i have been told its still young.

but crap. its just that little bit closer to 30 than i thought!

breathe van breathe. its all ok!!!

ps. people believe me when i tell them i turned 21.
pps. its them asian genes!

Happier note! Babies are born!!

Hey...
just thought i'd lighten up my very lame and depressing self reflecting-- tortured soul of a blog (whatever happened to the minivanmegaFUN bit?)
ok. so my mood has picked up strangely enough...

good onya 'peppermint crisp' (gotta love mint & chocolate... my favourite!)

anyhoo.. wanted to share photos of dear family friends of ours... Leo and Cecelia's baby :D Lachlan. Aint he CUTE?!

coping with life

hmm...
i've decided that the word 'coping' sounds like you're barely scraping it.

thats how i've felt.

have i ever announced on my blog that i've had/got/hate having depression?

now... thats an announcement and a half!

who that is reading my blog (or cares) actually know that i suffer from the pains of the illness? and no, you cant just 'snap' out of it... its not just 'i felt blue today'and e.thing is backto normal next day.

depression is a drawn out process that sucks the living life out of you... for me, it is triggered by a series of stressful life events.

when/ if / hopefully you wont have to bear the carnage of stressful events that have occurred in my life these past 3-6+ months!

quitting job... no job.... searching job... new job.... relationship starting & ending.... stressful outcomes to events i have no control of (will not bore or divulge here)... moving house... moving back 'home'.... going to AFRICA for the first time...
ok. that within 3-6 months has been more than i could bear.
i've been pretty darn sick...

anyways... i think i'm on the mend.

i'm on a strict regimen of walking at 7am for 1/2 hour everyday... its a habit i must form to get me 'out' of this blueness... exercise stimulates the lower doses of dopamine in the brain which makes you 'feel good'... hence why you usually feel good after a session at the gym or physical activity!

anyhoo... thats a good start. lets hope i can make it!

having supportive friends help and i recommend going to www.livinglifetothefull.com for some useful/ helpful life strategies and tips...

i wonder if my announcement has surprised anybody.

oh well.. i dont even know who reads my blog these days, so depending on how quickly i churn out these entries, if you dont read this particular entry, then you wont know about it!

tired again. my back clicked like the hokey spokeys on a bike!

dudes.
is it me? or is it work? or the stress of having to move house?
im thankful i can have my mum's place to move to, however, not looking forward to having to physically move the contents from my apt and sell off all the various goods i dont need... (ugh)

i went to my chinese doctor today. yes he speaks chinese and no, he doesnt include free yum cha!
jokes.

well. he said my back must have been 'this bad' for quite some time. when he did his usual remedial massage-- which by the way, is one of the most physically painful but necessary forms of back manipulation... the twisting and back pressure and stretching... made my back... when it cracked, sound like a freakin fire cracker! it was pretty bad..... my spine is meant to be realigned now.

i'm still stiff, sore and tired though. so no points there.

moving house? :( boo....i think i'll just need to get on with it once my body recovers. i think thats where all the energy has been sapped from.... lack of oxygen to one's brain due to bad back has caused me to suffer all kinds of weird and wonderful pains!

not happy jan! procrastination doesnt help...

ps. gee- thanks for your comment. i think my happyness 'mood' is fleeting. i'm just tired and grumpy again!!

pps. trying to 'choose joy'... whatever that means!!!

ppps. missing all my furry friends that are living far away-- or have moved overseas in recent times or will be!!!!!! not naming names... i'm quite sad& upset!