i love bookstores...

ive been feeling very bookwormy of late...
been reading all sorts of psychology books... self help if you would call them ( i personally hate the term)... jo had read ' a road less travelled' and jane leant me a copy. its fascinating... and yet, all this reading about 'dependency' and all that within society and relationships has gotten me twisted in a knot about how i dont want to be in a co-dependent relationship and wonder how the heck i would firstly, identify it and secondly, how to not be 'sucked in'... as with most things scary... the fear of the unknown is a seeming shroud.

im also fascinated by how we view our society and question how we function in it. questioning why we do what we do. i started reading a book called 'enough' at the local bookstore today by John Naish-- from the book jacket:

"For millions of years, humankind has used a brilliantly successful survival strategy. If we like something, we chase after more of it: more status, more food, more info, more stuff. Then we chase even more. It's how we survived famine, disease and disaster to colonise the world." "But now, thanks to technology, we've suddenly got more of everything than we can ever use, enjoy or afford. That doesn't stop us from striving though, and it's making us sick, tired, overweight, angry and in debt. It burns up our personal ecologies and the planet's ecology too." "We urgently need to develop a sense of 'enough'. Our culture keeps telling us that we don't yet have all we need to be happy, but in fact we need to nurture a new skill - the ability to bask in the bounties all around us." "In Enough, John Naish explores how our Neolithic brain-wiring spurs us to build a world of overabundance that keeps us hooked on 'more'. And he explains how, through adopting the art of enoughness, we can break from this wrecking cycle."

although i will admit im a product of a chinese/australian family. 'wealthy' in the grander scheme of things and well... growing up in hongkong as a child and a mother who always loved to shop... its hard to unlearn the things that you grew up with... the book really resonates with where im at in life. this striving for more. its so futile. it doesnt add to our happinness... in fact, it creates more stress. depending on who you hang around... that is our society. more more more. i really loathe advertising. ironically, i used to work in the industry. unless its serving a greater purpose to help those that are less fortunate and marginalised in our world... its just a juggernaut of multimillion dollar proportions to convince you of things that you really 'need'. oh, ive been there. havent we all? who doesnt have a mobile phone? who doesnt own or possess or would like a new laptop-- preferably a mac? or an ipod? dont get me wrong. i love technology. heck, im using it now. but just what is it about technology that i love? the communication? the 'connectivity' the 'speed' the access to information 24/7? why do i need to know that i can at 3am go on the net and find something to entertain me or buy from? its an interesting time we live in. we can get what we want, when we want (provided you have access to the facilities) but in general... most in the western world has access to these things, and yet, has it really added to the quality of our lives?

anyhoo... all this searching comes back to a very introverted delve into my being... who i am... where i am at in life at this point. its 2008. i am 2 1/2 years from 30... (despite my youthful good looks, no, im not 19 years old!) its an interesting if not scary proposition to be approaching the shorter end of the stick towards another decade milestone on this earth....

which leads me to wonder where i 'fit'. not just culturally, but who i am as a result of losing my dad when i was 11... plus the moulding of co-ed public education within the leafy private schooled northshore... having been born overseas... my world has always been infinitely bigger in my mind than the comfy north shore and prior to that i grew up around eastwood/ carlingford--in my pre-teen years-- which is somewhat leafy, but another world from the 'north'. why do i believe in a God who loves us for who we are, but even more so to not leave us separate from him forever. Jesus- infinite wisdom, deity, forgiving, sacrificial, controversial, universal-- he seeks to find those want to find him. He divides. Thats not always a comfortable thought.

anyhoo... so im searching. for what... who knows.

meaning? oh, that sounds so cliche

faith? isnt that just hoping for more, the best... even though we cant 'see it' in our present?

contentment? isnt that just trying to enjoy being in the moment with what you have? would you say that is the theme/ content of the book 'enough'?

purpose? yes. definately. thats a hard one.

---but to use my 'gifts' to bless those around me... thats about all one can do... i dont how else to go about life?!

thank God for grace. for i dont think i am worthy of all the wonderful people, places and things that have blessed my life-- im am infinitely grateful.

i just realised that i started this blog entry on an entirely different note and as usual, have gone and changed the subject back to me... oh, how self indulgent!