community. time. rollercoasters.

.... we all (or most) would know what its like to go on a rollercoaster...

well... this is how i've been feeling of late.

i cant quite put my finger on it, but i am glad that the rollercoaster is kinda less bumpy now---
so much of it involves staying connected... and focussed. it is hard. balance.

when you have felt so out of balance for a while... you start to feel a bit lost... which is how i have felt.

things that help me stay grounded...

i went to community dinner last nite at the commie house. it was my first time. familiar and new faces. i missed jo there, but i enjoy the inhabitants of the commie house' company most. their commitment to loving others and random dropper-inneras (like myself) reminds me much like a strong family. their ethos reminds me so much of a beautiful oak tree... they have planted their seed... and to grow it they water it with care, while they nuture and are considerate of each other... amongst life's mysteries , goodness and frustrations... and well... there is nothing quite like community.

having grown up in a very tight knit chinese family. i crave community. connection. love. support. laughter.

i miss it so.

other 'things' that make me most grounded i realise truly. are the quality of my connections and relationships to people closest to me in the world.

we really cant live without people.

and if we are ever in an environment that doesnt seek this general care and committment (cut throat world of advertising- my most recent experience of late)...

i dont work. i dont thrive. i struggle. i shrink.

because i cant be myself.

losing one self is probably the worst of all personal struggles-- borderline sinful too.

you wonder where God is-- you forget who God made you to be... its in there, but you just want to get it out.

when you feel like youve been trampled by the world-- its hard to unscrumple yourself.

you need to re-group. re-focus. trusting that God will restore... drawing on the strength of friends and family. it works.

one thing that i know is.

it takes time.

perhaps a lifetime. because life isnt all roses. but difficulties, just like good times... all have their seasons.

maybe i'm just learning this again.

its important to not let the set-backs be that-- we strive to move forward... for God promises that in Jeremiah 29... that he has great plans for us. not to harm us. plans to give us a hope and a future.

i need to repeat this often and be reminded. its not easy-- but through laughter, fun, and less seriousness... Life can be enjoyed and God has ... as he has promised... to never leave us nor forsake us.

Thank Goodness for God! and Thank Goodness for community.